Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
