Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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