rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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