my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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