sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
