I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had sex on a roof
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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