I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
