i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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