She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
