the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
