Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
