...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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