his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
