I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
