i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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