new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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