Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
