I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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