we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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