I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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