Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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