you guys were way drunker than both of me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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