Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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