Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
