My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
