No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
