My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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