I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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