Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
