Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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