She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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