soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
