Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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