I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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