So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
