Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize