i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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