Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
