So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hippo gnu deer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The air was thick with penises
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
