u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
