Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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