yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
