I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
