How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
