jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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