thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
