you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
