i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
