I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're not piercing ourselves today.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
