Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
