Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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