508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
