Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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