The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
