No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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