I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
