I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
