his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
