My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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