just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
