I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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