Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
