no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
