I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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