I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
