Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
