I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
