but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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