areolas are like halos for boobs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
