my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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