Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
