I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
