Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Randomize
