were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
